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A community of cancer survivors supporting each other.

6 1/2 Years

I was going to write some line to write into a long one but I won't.

I have turned 30. I miss my father every day but I don't think about him everyday anymore. My mother has become very indepedent which is amazing to me. I am dealing with my own issues. Relationships and alcohol related issues. I'm a blunt person. Dealt with drugs but nothing anyone would call hard. My father dealt with probably with probably the worst, "speed" for awhile (before I was born). However my abuse of alcohol (binge drinking) has been a big issue this past year). That's my own issue.

I just wanted to update people because just because someone passes shouldn't let you know how the people closest to them were. I say this because, I knew my dad in and out. I hadn't logged in here in awhile and I knew the password. I just know my father. My mother tells me every day I look like him. It's just scary. All the potential to be someone like him and hoping to live up to that.

 

I'll give a really quick jist. My mother is doing far better, and will doing even far better doing soon. My half sister is doing well...but she's bipolar. I love my brother in law but he's far to busy for me. But my niece and nephew I love dearly.

As for me I've thought and sat about suicide. I really feel like a let down to my dad and to my mother and to my fiancee. My life isn't anywhere near as hard as most everyone has it. You know that feeling that you can achieve so much more but you're waiting for a key to unlock it? I have to stop waiting...

I'm very afraid of getting cancer. My mother's father died of cancer in 2012. And my father's father was battling prostate but he beat it, now he's going to be fighting lung cancer.

 

I'm afraid.


This is a blog for a cure. Not for me to place my feelings.

I miss my father a lot. That's all I can say. I look at every older gentleman who guides me thinking maybe he can fill the spot. - I missed out on so much from him. I know he wanted to teach me so badly.

In the reverse my mother is well, emotionally for the most part. I am the opposite now.

Fight the battle, never give up. I love all you.

 

-Travis

Admin, Debbie sent you a hug.
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Hi Travis. I'm glad you came here and please know that you are always welcome. Your dad was a friend to many here, including me, and will not be forgotten. I'm sorry you are hurting and that you life may not be exactly what you want or need it to be right now. But as you say, "fight the battle, never give up." Those are words to live by, Travis. Whatever is causing the pain in your life can be overcome.

I will tell you that, at the age of 25, my dad suddenly passed away. I never got a chance to say goodbye to him. Even at almost 40 years later, I still hurt. However, I know that he would want me to live my life to the fullest, which I believe I have and continue to do. I truly believe your dad would want you to do the same and he would be very proud of you for doing that.

I don't know if you believe in prayer, but I do, so you will be in mine. I know you are a fine young man with a lot of potential. Know that you are loved by us here. Take good care.

Martha
Travis, thanks so much for the update. Sometimes I just don't know what to say to people. You would think after all these years of supporting cancer folks I would be better at it. But just know we are all struggling and you are not alone. Some people just hide it better. Love you!!
Debbie likes this comment
Hi Travis, I didn't know your father because I joined after his passing. I am glad you are here. It sounds to me like you are still grieving, and by the way, that never goes away but gets easier. Have you ever gotten professional help for grief. This may be causing your tendency to medicate with alcohol and to damage your own relationships. I agree with Marcha above, I am sure your dad would want better for you. Please get some help. A good grief therapist can help you see the world in a new and hopeful light. Just as we follow treatment plans to rid ourselves of cancer, you can make a plan to pull yourself out of a funk and achieve goals. Your goals may be small at first but it's like going up the stairs. Take one step at a time but don't stop. Good luck and keep us informed. We care...

Travis, I'm 59 and there are times I still wonder what I want to be when I grow up, lol. I think it's normal to feel like you still haven't accomplished all that you thought you would because we continue to learn until the day we cross over. Talk to your Father and if you believe with all your heart that he can hear you and is right beside you, then it will be so. You are still so young.......but Sweets, trust, it gets better as you get older. You gain more knowledge and confidence, making you feel more in control of your own life, thus making you happy and more content. God bless.
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(October 8, 1956 - March 29, 2011)

Vital Info

Posts

May 22, 2010

Anza, California

October 8, 1956

Cancer Fighter

Cancer Info

Lung Cancer

Non Small Cell Carcinoma

May 22, 2010

Stage 4

5.1 - 6.0 cm

Yes

Its sneakiness, how fast it strikes without you knowing about it.

That many people like me have it, including small children.

Prayers, just knowing your reading or listening helps.

From lungs to lymphnodes

Please donate to American Cancer Society

Cancer Treatment Centers of America, Zion, Ill.

For joint pain, hot bath, spa, benedryl, icy hot or ben gay. Try to move around, don't stay in bed.

Remember, you have lots of friends who will listen here.

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